Its about making memories worth repressing
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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