If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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