How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
