Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
