Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
