where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
