I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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