I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize