Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
