using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
