I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
