Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
