dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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