How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
