Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
