I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
