Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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