Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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