How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
