Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize