She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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