Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
