her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
