walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
