So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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