shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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