I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize