Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
