I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
