you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
