My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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