He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
