i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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