Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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