Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Two words: blizzard sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
