her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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