Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
