Michael Bay diarrhea
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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