Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
