How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
