My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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