yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
