chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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