So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
