I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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