i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
