Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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