No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
