I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
