You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
