So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
