Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
