why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
