I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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