Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
