I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
