god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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