We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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