remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
where are my eyebrows?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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