1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
