Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
