Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
