You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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