walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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