I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
