is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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