i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
