You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
