You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize