Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
