After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
