dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
