totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
