How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
