Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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