She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think your dad took our porno
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
