capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
