My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
