I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
