i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
