you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
