Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
