it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
