i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
