he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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