Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
