cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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