Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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