her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
