Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize