I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like abortions should bother me more
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
