I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
