new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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