I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
