Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how can u be prego again
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
