I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
