She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is wine microwaveable?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
