Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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