I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
